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Westborough, US
Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Home is where the heart is

By Marianne Delorey “Never make your home in a place. Make a home for yourself inside your own head… That way it will go with...

Widening the gaps

By Marianne Delorey We, as a society, have created an elaborate safety net for all people. These systems were put in place to help everyone...

Ten things I know about Fair Housing

Fair Housing legislation was created in 1968. It protects people from being discriminated against on the basis of race, color, religion, sex or national origin in the sale or rental of housing. Since its inception, many protected classes have been added including age, pregnancy status, citizenship, familial status, disability status, veteran status, genetic information, and most recently, sexual orientation.

Is discretion truly the better part of valor?

I sat down recently with four card players. It turns out, only one was still driving. There seemed to be a common thread among the others – in all three cases, it seemed like they all had stories where driving had been taken away from them in a seemingly underhanded fashion. One lady recently moved back to Massachusetts from Florida. Her son told her to sell her car and they’d find her one up here. Well, conveniently, finding a new car has not become a priority.

Planting the seed

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.” – Proverb When people think of planning for their later years, they think about saving for retirement. This is great, but it is not enough. Planting a tree requires thinking about water, soil and sun. People have more diverse needs. They need food, clothing, shelter, and health care. But they also need to fill their psychological needs. Some need something to do, a purpose in being, a goal. This may be harder to plan for, but it is important none the less.

Those who humble themselves will be exalted

A large part of our success in aging well has to do with how we cope with changes in our bodies. All bodies change over time. There are amazing people who are able to continue using the same skills well into older adulthood. There are also some incredible people who develop or hone new skills as they age. For most people, however, we need to be mindful that our changing abilities can affect our self-esteem. Those who pride themselves on their intellect may face an easier time with sore knees than memory loss, and those that were very skilled with their hands might have an easier time with cataracts than arthritis. But none of us are immune to the frustrations of changing bodies. Very often, we have to remind ourselves, if not society in general, of our own worth, even as we lose some of our functioning.

The challenges of aging

Two well-known social psychologists named Alter and Oppenheimer did an experiment in which they had groups of people take a quick, three-question intelligence test called the CRT. This particular test is rigged so that the most obvious answer is wrong. Eighty-three percent of people miss at least one question. However, the researchers found when they made the test harder, people did better. They did this by writing the test in a font that was difficult to read. The conclusion the researchers drew from the experiment is that making people slow down their reading made them make fewer mistakes. In this case, less speed made for more processing time, which in turn led to more careful answers.

Moving on

Let’s face it, moving is hard for anyone. For an elder, especially one leaving their family home, moving involves extraordinary courage, a financial commitment, and a lot of hard work. Not everyone gets to plan their move, but great things happen when they are able to be part of the process. Here are a few of my favorite stories about the people who have done this.

If not grace…

I think often of what it means to age gracefully. Of the hundreds of elders I have met, I am most awed by those who make aging well seem so easy. One of my role models is Janice. Janice puts herself together every day. Her outfit is matched and her hair is coiffed. She is the quintessential lady. She doesn't have an unkind word for anyone. She is upbeat and forward-thinking. She is sharp as a tack and attentive and engaging in conversation. This month she turns 105 years old.

Good fences make good neighbors

Robert Frost once wrote a poem called “Mending Wall” in which the property line between neighbors brings them together and yet keeps them apart. This seeming contradiction is seen every day in elder housing. The best neighbors come together in times of need, but are aware of their own limits, or boundaries in the relationship.