By Marianne Lyons Delorey, Ph.D.
There is a poem named “Warning” by Jenny Joseph that talks about how the writer will live her life when she is old. She talks about “wearing purple with a red hat that doesn’t go and doesn’t suit me.” The poet describes an older age filled with eccentricities that are surprising for an older person because she feels the need to “make up for the sobriety of her youth.”
I genuinely love and relate to this poem. I like the portrait painted of an older woman who creates her world without a care for what people think of her. When I was younger, I wanted to be that kind of old woman.
Many years later, however, I have a new role model. When I am an old woman, I have decided I will be a Betty.
Betty just passed away after 41 years of service to Colony. She was sharp and present and humble and organized. For 41 years, she kept Colony grounded by keeping track of our records and helping us rethink our future based on our past. This link to the past was not an anchor with Betty but a way to keep us connected to our mission and to the people we served.
At 81, her coworkers wondered regularly when she would retire. I pondered that myself. I asked her to give us notice, but she did not have a chance. She died suddenly and I feel like I have lost my right arm.
When I went through her things, I found the poem “Everything I needed to know I learned in kindergarten” among her things. I will tell you now, there should be a poem called, “Everything I need to know I learned from Betty.” She taught me:
- Consider your past – where have you been and how did it bring you to where you are today? Are those same data points helpful now or do you need to adjust your sails?
- Stay engaged and relevant – Betty stayed on top of changes in the industry and still had much to contribute. Her age did not slow her down.
- Care for others – Betty was in a caregiving profession, for sure, but she also extended a great amount of care to her family. She juggled work and caregiving responsibilities flawlessly by always setting one group up for success when she had to tend to someone else.
- Find meaning – Betty stayed at Colony until she died because she found work meaningful. She worked hard to make life better for those she served, and we will forever be grateful.
- Incubate – Betty was a thoughtful person and whenever I got hot under my collar, she would suggest we think on things. She would say, “Let’s incubate.” She knew I needed time and was gracious enough to suggest that to me in a way that offered me a chance to save face.
I will forever be in Betty’s debt as an example of successful aging. While I love the idea of wearing a red hat, I also love the idea of continuing to contribute like Betty did. Maybe we should strive to do both.
Marianne Lyons Delorey, Ph.D. is the executive director of Colony Retirement Homes. She can be reached at 508-755-0444 or [email protected] and www.colonyretirementhomes.com
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